Beauty Secrets

1 Mar

I am sick to death of celebrities revealing their ‘beauty secret’ to be soap and water or Oil of Olay, or – turmeric – as disclosed by Thandie Newton in last Saturday’s Guardian.  Yep, she rubs the spice turmeric (used by the rest of us in curries) into her face and claims that it is the key to her youthful complexion.  Why does this irk me so?  Because it is a big bad effing lie that’s why.  The real beauty secret that none of these celebrities has the decency to reveal is cosmetic surgery. 

There was a very disturbing article in the same paper about a new quick fix weight loss solution, which could be fairly discribed as the nasal tube diet (, which both frightened and amused me but failed to incense me to the same level.  Why?  Because at least it was honest –  ‘This is the insane choice I have made because I am too lazy to exercise and diet’.  Similarly, the porky Jock Doc on telly earlier in the week in ‘The Truth about Exercise’ espousing that 3 minutes of exercise a month was all that was necessary.  Really?  Have you looked at yourself naked in the mirror lately?  Both the article and the television programme amused me more than anything else.  I mean, anyone who thinks that 3 minutes of exercise or fitting a nasal tube in their nose is the answer to their fitness and dieting conundrums is a complete moron and we all sort of know that to be the case.  

However, when I finally got round to watching some of the Oscar highlights last night, I was once again struck by the ageless beauty of the women gracing the red carpet, and I got pissed off again.  Their enviably sleek and sculpted bodies I can accept because we know they spend hours every day sweating blood and tears and living on a diet of mung beans, so fair enough.  And a lot of them admit to how hard, gruelling, painful and boring it is.  But no such candour when it comes to their un-lined, plump skin.  They insist on these silly lies and we let them get away with it because no-on has the balls to laugh and say ‘bullshit’ when they get these risible answers.  The question should not be, ‘what is your beauty secret’? but, ‘how much money have you spent in the last decade on cosmetic treatments/surgery in order to maintain your incredibly youthful face’? One of the ways they justify it is to say, ‘I’ve never had surgery’, because strictly speaking they haven’t been put under a general anaesthetic and had their faces sliced open and sown back together, but frankly, that’s just semantics in my book.  Anything that involves a needle, a laser, fillers, botox the list is endless – it all countsand they have all had it in some form or another.

One of the reasons I love Cindy Crawford is that I remember once reading her answer to the same ‘beauty secret’ question to be a refreshing, ‘I owe my face to my plastic surgeon’ or something along those lines.  Yes, she looks great but she owns up to how.  Sure, she puts on face cream at night but she doesn’t pretend that the face cream has anything to do with keeping her features unmoved by the ravages of motherhood.  No-one, not even supermodels can look like that at 45 without having had some ‘work’ done. 

These dishonest celebrities are giving a completely misleading impression to men and young women as to what the real ageing process looks like.  And are making ordinary women like me feel shit about ourselves.  If we lie about it – and we are all complicit in the lie by failing to challenge it – what does it say about ageing?  That it is disgusting, that it is ugly, that it is unacceptable.  So, next time someone poses the question, ‘what’s your beauty secret’? to a ‘celeb’ in their 40s who doesn’t look a day older than 25, and they answer with a turmeric facial rub, the proper response ought to be something along the lines of, ‘can you swear on your baby son’s life that you have never had any sort of procedure done to your face EVER?’  

And whilst we are on the topic, I am sick to death of those effing L’Oreal adverts.  They should be illegal.  If you are going to use Claudia Schiffer to say, ‘because I’m worth it’, at least have her first explain how it has cost her the equivalent of a small mortgage to keep her face frozen in the eighties.  L’Oreal products have got NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.  Let’s cut the crap and start having an honest conversation.

Rant over.


8 Responses to “Beauty Secrets”

  1. Helen Finucane March 2, 2012 at 11:39 am #

    And breathe….

    Hadnt read about the ‘turmeric facial rub’ but the idea of it made me laugh. And given that laughing is the best anti-ager, I suppose it works.


    • gritdoctor March 2, 2012 at 2:02 pm #

      haha – you are right – chill out gritbitch (says to self)!!

  2. Kylie Starling March 2, 2012 at 11:39 pm #

    Totally agree with your sentiments…many intelligent and capable women I know have self-esteem issues due to their unrealistic expectations of how one should look based on ridiculous advertising and celebrities! We need to rebel…we are only diminishing ourselves!!

    • Siobhán March 3, 2012 at 6:41 pm #

      So glad to hear it as it is! Ageing should be celebrated. I know lots of beautiful women who are over forty, fifty , sixty etc Just look at Ms Mineogue to see how botox back fires on you.

      • gritdoctor March 3, 2012 at 7:26 pm #

        yes she is beginning to look rather frighteningly like the bride of wildenstein…

  3. Evie March 3, 2012 at 4:29 pm #

    I’m with you.

  4. Occasional Catering March 3, 2012 at 9:29 pm #

    My two cents: Honesty and responsibility have been taken out of growing up in fear of hurting peoples feelings. Sad tho because the honesty would sometimes save your life. I am in nearly 50, fit and it’s fab. I am not a fanatic just a mover and yes I do chill as well but I think I am blessed with the honest and responsibility genes and I know many who are not.

    Advertising and looking wafer thin a la Angelina is their choice to pander to false expectations. There are natural woman and men out there who are gorgeous, fit and fab just not necessarily in front of a camera.

    As for motherhood ( it’s one of those shocks that many women go through whatever your age as “you” take a back seat. However once some sort of normality returns eat right, sleep whenever you can and be inventive about fitness eg do squats holding your child.

    Sometimes we need a guardian angel whispering in our ear that we are doing okay and to stop beating ourselves up, when to persevere and when to cry. These days many are alone, no extended families to help, everyone is busy. So I thank you Grit for existing!

  5. mark May 30, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

    nice post excellent info thanks

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