Man Hunt

24 Jul

Q: Dear GD,
HELP! How do I find a man? What are your top tips? Where do they hide?

A: Your question is concise – of which the GD is most approving – but you are going to have to forgive me for making some assumptions about you in order to answer it. I take it that you are a single female who possibly spends a lot of time whingeing about the fact that she doesn’t have a boyfriend, complaining regularly that all the best men are either married, gay, commitment-phobic, or in some other way, love-disabled. I bet you spend most Friday nights out with work colleagues or your best friend, bemoaning the lack of single straight and available men whilst sipping chardonnay from the same spot in the same bar on the same street year after year. Maybe you go to your happily married pal’s house on Saturday and hang out with her family, having the same conversation about the man drought. Or to your parents’ homes, and all of these well meaning people agree with your sentiments and never challenge them.

If any of this rings true, I’m afraid its time you faced the some gritty home truths:
The men are not hiding, its just that you can’t see them from where you are standing. You need to change your position and from a different vantage point you shall see mankind afresh. In order to move into a better viewing position, you firstly have to take yourself out your comfort zone. Oh yes, and from your new discomfort zone, you will need a shift in attitude, because the universe has a funny way of always being the way we declare it to be. When your view is ‘THERE ARE NO MEN’, sure enough, there never seem to be any around. So start imagining that there are SO many men, so many attractive available, suitable men – just pretend – say it to yourself over and over again until it starts to seem plausible. It does not matter AT ALL if it is actually true or not, the shift in attitude will have you believing it is anyway, and this translates into a more positive approach to your challenge.

If you are serious about getting into a healthy relationship with an available man of the opposite sex and are free to do so then once your weekly work is done, spend your free-time on project/challenge MANHUNT. DO NOT announce this phrase EVER to anybody of the opposite sex. This is your own private project, I use the word ‘hunt’ because of the urgency implicit in the word. It is not to be translated as some sort of prehistoric sex quest that involves you tarting up, getting pissed and throwing yourself into the arms of any man that offers every Friday night. It is to be translated as your out-of-work hobby/past-time/challenge which you will now be devoting your time to instead of talking about the lack of men to the same people week in and week out. A project, that, like any other needs structure to gain shape, requires being broken down into small, doable parts or ‘shelves’ that can be tackled without further delay.

Potential shelves in your manhunt: Do you have another normal single friend with whom you could buddy up and go out with to meet people? Do you have any married friends who could organise a dinner party around one or two lovely single guys they know, or fix you up on a blind date? No, you don’t know the answer to this until you actually pluck up the courage and ask them. A lot. Are you still being a ridiculous snob about dating websites? If so, get over yourself and join one and make it a rule that you have to respond to at least X number of emails and per week and go on at least X number of dates per month. If you are not in a relationship by the end of the year, feel free to shoot me.

The Grit Doctor says:

Give up the story you have been telling yourself that all the men are hiding and put yourself where you can be seen.

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