Grrrrrit Clinic

Q:Hi Ruth,

Your new book couldn’t have come at a better time for me! I don’t know what to do about all these weddings I have to go to this year. Six over the summer, and hen dos and I’m a bridesmaid at two of them. They are all over the country and one is even in Spain. I don’t earn a lot of money and I don’t know how I’m going to afford it all – dresses, hotels, presents. It all adds up. I don’t want to offend anyone, but how can I get out of some of them or keep costs down? (Two are for former work colleagues who I like a lot but they’re not best friends or anything.)

Help me!

Susie

A: Hen do’s are an absolute nightmare and a total waste of money: I think you are perfectly entitled to refuse to go to any that are not your best best BEST friends’ and certainly not your work colleagues – frankly do you want your work colleagues to see you at the end of a hen do?!?! Just say NO and don’t make up excuses or lies as to why and spend the whole summer worrying whether you have got your lies straight! A simple ‘thank you, but no’ will suffice. Where weddings are free, the hen night can cost the earth, which is another good reason for you to say no, saving you a huge amount of money and sparing you some hideous memories.

The bride will be paying for your bridesmaids dress and if she isn’t, then ask her to contact me and I will put her right.

You are perfectly entitled to say no to wedding invitations, brides and grooms are always desperate to keep the numbers down and are actually secretly praying that people will decline, so in saying no you are inadvertently giving the bride a wonderful gift….you are certainly not going to upset anyone that is not a very close friend so worry not.

As for presents, if you are travelling to another country for a wedding, you definitely do not need to buy a present on top of that. Being there is the present. As for others, get on to their wedding lists early and snap up the cheapest items before someone else beats you to it.

Spain will be fantastic: combine the wedding with your summer hols, or turn it into a long weekend city break and do some real exploring! Rope in a co-wedding-ee and have an amazing adventure. Cut costs by sharing accomodation etc with this pal.

The Grit Doctor says:

Oh Susie – too many weddings too many friends, too much fun!… There may come a time when you are knee deep in baby vom 24/7 and have no weddings to go to, so enjoy it to the max while you still can.

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